Yeehaw y’all! Big news from the Higgers campaign! Mr. Higgers is out of jail and has gone campaigning in Massachusetts. I guess that must be a big swing state this year! Guess he decided to go-a-courtin’ some voters at the Red Sox game last night, which is his favorite baseball team (my favorite is of course the Philadelphia High Tornadoes!) I’ll bet he was real sad about Mr. Ramirez being traded.
[Webmaster’s Note: While not strictly speaking on topic, I would also like to point out the tastelessness of the school board naming our “spirited” high school football team after the class of natural disaster which had three of its most deadly spawn touch down right in the Hospitality State. They might as well make the mascot of my beloved alma mater the Boston Molasses Tanks.
Also, while I too count myself a member of Red Sox nation, I would wager that Mr. Higgers’ affection for the team owes less to the towering home runs of David Ortiz and more to the hiring policies of Tom Yawkey—that particular former owner of the team being the reason that the Red Sox were the last major-league team to integrate. I base this only on his attire at last night's game, and while it's possible he was genuinely confused about what team he was watching and very disappointed in Big Papi's performance in this past series, Occam's razor postulates a different motivation for a White Sox t-shirt with "Fire Ortiz" scrawled on the back in "SpaghettiOs(™)" sauce.]
Mr. Cuthbert sure types real pretty, doesn’t he? He’s a chief cook and bottle washer? Well, there’s a bit more bad news about our Mr. Higgers. He must have been real upset about the Red Sox losing so bad, and there was some kind of incident, and Mr. Higgers is back in jail for a bit. I don’t hold much with gossip, so I won’t post all the details here in this “blog”. What they say probably isn’t true at all! Let’s just say maybe they don’t have enough Johnny Blues up at those baseball games. No sir.
[Webmaster’s Note: I will, like Ms. Clydes, spare most of the unsavory details, but according to police reports an inebriated Mr. Higgers became unruly and urinated on a local teacher by the name of Mr. Weisel, then resisted arrest alternately claiming that the victim was on fire and that his urine contained Zyklon B.
Mr…Weisel? Oh. Oh dear God.]
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Life in Jail
Hi there!
Some exciting news to report today!
I was looking through the internet (I mean looking around it, not looking to see what was on the other side! That would be you guys!) when I found out that Mr. Higgers should be out of jail on protest-related charges in a few days. And that’s not the half of it! He also released this statement about the vice-presidential debate that made me real proud:
“GOVERNER PALIN CLAIMED THAT THE TERRORISTS HATE OUR COUNTRY BECAUSE OF OUR FREEDOMS, INCLUDING OUR SUPPORT OF WOMEN’S RIGHTS. SEE YOU JACKASSES, ALL THIS TIME I WAS JUST TRYIN’ TO GET THE TERRORISTS TO BACK OFF!”
I don’t know about all that cussin’, but I think it’s real great that Mr. Higgers is telling everyone how he won’t back down from supporting women’s rights until those terrorists give it up!
As they said back in the 90’s, girl power!
-Mary-Jo Clydes
[Webmaster’s Note: Never has the potential for miscommunication inherent in the English language been so beautifully and yet tragically exemplified.]
Some exciting news to report today!
I was looking through the internet (I mean looking around it, not looking to see what was on the other side! That would be you guys!) when I found out that Mr. Higgers should be out of jail on protest-related charges in a few days. And that’s not the half of it! He also released this statement about the vice-presidential debate that made me real proud:
“GOVERNER PALIN CLAIMED THAT THE TERRORISTS HATE OUR COUNTRY BECAUSE OF OUR FREEDOMS, INCLUDING OUR SUPPORT OF WOMEN’S RIGHTS. SEE YOU JACKASSES, ALL THIS TIME I WAS JUST TRYIN’ TO GET THE TERRORISTS TO BACK OFF!”
I don’t know about all that cussin’, but I think it’s real great that Mr. Higgers is telling everyone how he won’t back down from supporting women’s rights until those terrorists give it up!
As they said back in the 90’s, girl power!
-Mary-Jo Clydes
[Webmaster’s Note: Never has the potential for miscommunication inherent in the English language been so beautifully and yet tragically exemplified.]
Friday, October 3, 2008
Bad New For People Who Love Good News.
Hello again, y’all!
I thought I’d tell all you readers a little bit about myself (since this is my political “blog” after all!).
Like I told ya, I was born on April 12, 1992. I’m sixteen years old and live in Philadelphia, Mississippi, the greatest state in the Union!
I like Jane Austen and The Da Vinci Code and Harry Potter, and my favorite music is John Philips Souza and George Strait. Someday I hope to grow up to raise my kids right here in Philadelphia. And now on to the politics!
I’ve got some good news and bad news to report for y’all!
I heard that Mr. Nate Higgers was at the vice-presidential debate in Missouri protesting some policies that Barack Obama’s got. I got a little confused trying to piece together what it was all about! I’m pretty sure Mr. Higgers wants the US to be more involved in helping with all the bad stuff in Africa, because he was saying something about how Obama should take another trip there (well, his last one was all the way back in 2006, and he did only stay two weeks…and it sure is a big place!).
The bad news is that there was some sort of misunderstanding at the protest, and Mr. Higgers is spending a couple of days in jail. I know, it’s terrible! But I like to look on the bright side! He can get a lot of work done while he has time to sit and think. Like Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela! I bet Mr. Higgers is a big fan of those two folks.
Good old Mr. Higgers will be out in a few days and I’ll let you folks know more about all the exciting things that are sure to happen!
-Mary-Jo Clydes
[Webmaster’s Note: This is Mr. Cuthbert, and I will be moderating this little journal. While not quite as enthused as our Mary-Jo here about this candidate, I am nonetheless quite proud that she has taken on such a (relatively) ambitious project.
As far as the no doubt esteemed Mr. Higgers’ protests are concerned, I would wager that his concerns with Mr. Obama’s current location were rather more succinctly put, inflammatorily phrased, and, shall we say…”written on a cardboard sign held up outside the forum” than Ms. Clydes would predict. God (or gods; far be it from me to discrimate) bless the idealists.]
I thought I’d tell all you readers a little bit about myself (since this is my political “blog” after all!).
Like I told ya, I was born on April 12, 1992. I’m sixteen years old and live in Philadelphia, Mississippi, the greatest state in the Union!
I like Jane Austen and The Da Vinci Code and Harry Potter, and my favorite music is John Philips Souza and George Strait. Someday I hope to grow up to raise my kids right here in Philadelphia. And now on to the politics!
I’ve got some good news and bad news to report for y’all!
I heard that Mr. Nate Higgers was at the vice-presidential debate in Missouri protesting some policies that Barack Obama’s got. I got a little confused trying to piece together what it was all about! I’m pretty sure Mr. Higgers wants the US to be more involved in helping with all the bad stuff in Africa, because he was saying something about how Obama should take another trip there (well, his last one was all the way back in 2006, and he did only stay two weeks…and it sure is a big place!).
The bad news is that there was some sort of misunderstanding at the protest, and Mr. Higgers is spending a couple of days in jail. I know, it’s terrible! But I like to look on the bright side! He can get a lot of work done while he has time to sit and think. Like Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela! I bet Mr. Higgers is a big fan of those two folks.
Good old Mr. Higgers will be out in a few days and I’ll let you folks know more about all the exciting things that are sure to happen!
-Mary-Jo Clydes
[Webmaster’s Note: This is Mr. Cuthbert, and I will be moderating this little journal. While not quite as enthused as our Mary-Jo here about this candidate, I am nonetheless quite proud that she has taken on such a (relatively) ambitious project.
As far as the no doubt esteemed Mr. Higgers’ protests are concerned, I would wager that his concerns with Mr. Obama’s current location were rather more succinctly put, inflammatorily phrased, and, shall we say…”written on a cardboard sign held up outside the forum” than Ms. Clydes would predict. God (or gods; far be it from me to discrimate) bless the idealists.]
Saturday, September 27, 2008
My First "Entry"!
Howdy y’all!
My name is Mary-Jo Clydes, and the most exciting thing happened to me today! A real-life political candidate came to our school and gave a speech, and I’m just about as excited about him as you can be.
His name was Mr. Higgers, and he said a lot of things that made a whole lot of sense to us. He even said he would donate enough money for our school to build a whole new wing! We’ve been having classes in a trailer out back, so that’s real nice!
We offered to name the new wing after him, but he asked us to name it after a personal hero of mine. He’s a great man.
Anyway, I was so excited about Mr. Higgers maybe becoming President of the whole
God Bless
-Mary-Jo Clydes
[Webmaster’s Note: The Susan B. Anthony Memorial Home Economics Wing is scheduled to begin construction in summer 2009.]
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